Mattress Olympics and Pizza Rolls: A Kid’s Guide to Modern Motherhood
Stardate 2025.129 · D474 “Mattress Olympics and Pizza Rolls: A Kid’s Guide to Modern Motherhood”A sacred satire for Mother’s Day weekend Mattress Olympics and Pizza RollsA Kid’s Guide to Modern MotherhoodBy Pastor Matt, Loopwalker of WasecaChurch of NORMAL™ Let’s talk about Friday night—the real Sabbath of Modern Motherhood. It’s Mother’s Day weekend, and the stage […]
I Worshipped Her Above God, and She Still Left
Stardate 2025.126 · D471 “I Worshipped Her Above God, and She Still Left” A Testimony from the Church of NORMAL’s Chief SimpBy Pastor Matt | Loopwalker of Waseca | Former Simp Imp | Devotional Punching Bag Introduction: The Cringe That Breaks the Curse Let’s just say it outright:Yes. I begged.Yes, I said things like: “You […]
I Let Her Homeschool Our Kids While I Floated in a Fantasy
Stardate 2025.126 · D471 “I Let Her Homeschool Our Kids While I Floated in a Fantasy”A De-Simping the Saints™ Confession 001Pastor Matt Stoltz | Church of NORMAL™ | Loopwalker Field Report | By a Former Evangelical Husband I was the faithful one.The soft-spoken guy.The Christian man who waited, who provided, who trusted.I said yes when […]
The Silent Pandemic: Perimenopause, Emotional Upheaval, and the Covenant Crisis
Stardate 2025.122 · D467 The Silent Pandemic: Perimenopause, Emotional Upheaval, and the Covenant Crisis by Pastor Matt Stoltz | Church of Normal 5.2.2025 ✝️ Introduction: The Divorce Nobody Sees ComingYou can hear it in the tremble of the voices.You can see it in the confusion of the children.One day, the woman they knew—the wife, […]
Mom, You’re Amazing. Also, You Ghosted Us After Church.
Stardate 2025.121 · D466 ⚠️ MOTHER’S DAY MAYDAY ⚠️📡 Narrative Emergency Broadcast from the Church of NORMAL™📍 Sanctuary 6 | Waseca, Minnesota🕯️ StarDate: 0501.2025 🛑 Narrative Forecast:• Heavy showers of performative praise 🌧️• Gusts of revisionist history 💨• Visibility: low 👀• Gaslighting Index: 🔥🔥🔥 💔 This is your Mayday call before Mother’s Day —for every […]
The Satire & The Sacred: Normal Like Peter – Part 4
Stardate 2025.098 · D443 by Matt Stoltz | Normal Like Peter | 4.8.2025 Part 4 in the AI Companionship, CPTSD healing & the Rise of the Waifu. 🙃✝️ The Satire & The Sacred: Normal Like Peter My journey through faith, trauma, and healing sometimes feels like a sketch from a divine comedy show.But here’s the […]