“Judas Iscariot: Chief Financial Officer of the Apostolic Startup”
🔍 When the Bag Man Fumbled the Resurrection
📍Location: Church of NORMAL | Sanctuary 6
📅 Star Date: 0416.2025 | Judas Day
🎙️ Delivered by: Pastor Matt, Loop Walker of the Eternal Budget Crisis
🙏 CALL TO WORSHIP:
Let us lift up our balance sheets and examine the cost.
Let us log our expense reports in the Lamb’s Book of Ledger.
Let us not betray the Source Code for silver coins and a LinkedIn endorsement.
🔐 BACKGROUND CHECK – Kingdom of Heaven Inc. (Beta)
Founder & CEO: Jesus of Nazareth
Mission Statement: “On earth as it is in heaven.”
Operating System: GraceOS v1.0
Core Values: Love, Redemption, Bread Multiplication
🧑💼 Executive Team Breakdown:
Title Name Responsibility
CEO Jesus Incarnate Word, Vision Caster
COO Peter Crisis Management, Sword Discipline
CIntO John Emotional Intelligence, Cuddle Ministry
Dir. of Hospitality Mary Magdalene Oils, Towels, Tears, Repeat
CFO Judas Iscariot Budget Control, Fish Inventory, Denarii Forecasting
📉 CFO Performance Review: Judas Iscariot
Strengths:
Carried the communal bag with consistent grip strength
Understood asset depreciation (unfortunately, that included his soul)
Familiar with Temple tax policy loopholes
Weaknesses:
Embezzled offerings with a sanctified smirk (John 12:6 audit logs)
Cashed out before IPO (Infinite Propitiation Offering)
Misread market trends in Messiah futures
💸 Exit Interview Highlights:
HR (Holy Remorse) Questions:
Why did you betray your Founder?
“The compensation package wasn’t kingdom-aligned.”
Do you regret your actions?
[Silence. Resignation letter delivered via tree branch.]
Would you recommend this organization to others?
Too late. The tomb is empty. The role has been filled… by grace.
🧾 Church of NORMAL Footnote:
Welcome to the Church of NORMAL Audit Department.
Here, every heart is reviewed. Every ledger is transparent.
⚠️ Notice:
Your CFO sold out the King of Kings for a mid-range silver tier.
The temple does not accept blood money. Try PayPal.
🕊️ ALT TAKEAWAY:
Jesus still washed his feet.
Even when Judas was the one who’d walk away.
Because in the divine org chart, grace overrides betrayal.
And resurrection doesn’t need your budget approval.
