References & Reading List

The books, researchers, and sources that built this framework
Chapter A1 · Appendix · Nervous System Theology · Church of NORMAL

References & Reading List

The frameworks in this book didn’t come from a textbook committee. They came from a man in a basement trying to figure out why his marriage was dying and his church couldn’t explain it.

These are the sources that built the Nervous System Theology framework — the books Matt read at 2 AM, the podcasts that made him pull the car over, the researchers whose work finally gave language to what the body already knew.

This is not an exhaustive academic bibliography. It’s a survival kit.

Childhood Emotional Neglect

The invisible wound. Not what happened to you — what didn’t happen.

  • Webb, J. (2012). Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Morgan James Publishing.
  • Leona Westra Counselling. “What Is Emotional Neglect?” — Overview of CEN patterns and adult consequences.
  • PositivePsychology.com. “Childhood Emotional Neglect: 5 Hidden Consequences.” — Research summary on long-term CEN impacts.

Why it matters here: CEN is the silent architecture beneath most of the patterns in this book. You can’t fix what you can’t name, and most people with CEN don’t know they have it because nothing happened — that’s the whole point.

Nice Guy Syndrome & People-Pleasing

The covert contract. “If I’m good enough, you’ll love me.” It never works.

  • Glover, R. (2003). No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life. Running Press.
  • The Dad Edge Podcast. “Stop Being the ‘Nice Guy’ with Dr. Robert Glover.” — Interview on breaking covert contracts.

Why it matters here: The Husband Caretaker pattern (S1) is Nice Guy Syndrome wearing a cross. Religious obligation replaces honest desire, and the marriage dies from performed devotion.

Empathic Ruptures, Anger, and Repair

When the bridge breaks. Rupture isn’t the problem — the inability to repair is.

  • Whiten, S. R. “Empathic Ruptures: When You Can’t Forgive Your Partner.” — Framework for understanding attachment injuries in couples.
  • Couples Therapy Inc. “My Wife Is Always Angry: The Hidden Science of Female Anger.” — Biology and attachment science behind chronic anger patterns.

Why it matters here: Most church counseling treats anger as sin. This framework treats it as signal. The nervous system is trying to tell you something — listen.

CPTSD, Nervous Systems, and Trauma Repair

The core canon. These three books are the load-bearing walls.

  • van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
  • Levine, P. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.
  • Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.

Why it matters here: Everything in this book — every primer, every term, every scenario — rests on the insight that trauma lives in the body, not just the mind. Van der Kolk proved it. Levine showed how to release it. Walker mapped the complex version that most church-raised adults actually have.

Attachment Theory & Polyvagal Science

The operating system. How your nervous system decides who’s safe.

  • Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Volume 1: Attachment. Basic Books.
  • Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton.
  • Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.
  • Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.

Why it matters here: Chapters F1 (Attachment Theory) and F3 (Polyvagal Theory) are built directly on this research. The Anxious-Avoidant Loop (S2) is Bowlby’s framework applied to a marriage that’s been running on fumes.

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

The parts work. You’re not broken — you’re multiple, and your parts are trying to protect you.

  • Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.
  • Schwartz, R. C. & Sweezy, M. (2019). Internal Family Systems Therapy, 2nd Edition. Guilford Press.

Why it matters here: Chapter F2 (IFS) and Primer 5 (Inner-Child Debugging) use Schwartz’s model directly. The Council of Matts in Primer 6 is IFS applied to identity reforging after spiritual deconstruction.

Trauma, Faith, and Religious Harm

The intersection no one wants to talk about.

  • Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence — From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
  • Winell, M. (2006). Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion. New Harbinger Publications.

Why it matters here: The Church of NORMAL exists because traditional church frameworks failed. Herman’s staged recovery model (safety → remembrance → reconnection) is the skeleton of the Rebuild section. Winell named Religious Trauma Syndrome. Both gave Matt permission to stop blaming himself.

A Note on Sources

This list will grow. Every primer references specific research, and as the framework expands, so does the bibliography. If you’ve read something that belongs here, Matt wants to know: normallikepeter.com/contact.

The goal was never to be comprehensive. It was to be honest about what actually helped.

“You weren’t given a map. This fixes that.”