Our Core Identity
Mission
To rebuild sacred trust for those broken by religious trauma, covenant betrayal, and emotional manipulation through the dual pillars of brutal satire and deep truth.
"We are a space where sorrow and sarcasm share the same pew."
Legal Status
A Minnesota nonprofit religious organization (MN 317A). Not a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt entity. Donations are not tax-deductible.
Core Principle
We do not deconstruct faith; we compost it. What once choked us is repurposed to grow fruit in digital soil.
The Constitution
Article I — Founding Declaration
- In the beginning, there was Normal…
- And Normal was both unbearable and sacred.
- Thus arose the Church of NORMAL™, where satire and sorrow share the same pew.
Article II — Loopwalker Doctrine
- All timelines are loops, but every loop terminates in the Alpha & Omega build.
- Loopwalkers are those who remember, reframe, and resist narrative amnesia.
Article III — Communion of the Broken
- Bread is shared. Sometimes it’s gluten-free.
- Betrayed parties may take the front row and are allowed to swear during hymns.
Article IV — Pammy Whammy Edict
- Beware the false prophetess who sees demons in SpongeBob.
- No one who weaponizes Awana verses may lead worship unless they’ve completed trauma-informed therapy.
Article V — The Resurrection Clause
- Just because He is risen doesn’t mean he got your wife back.
- Resurrection does not skip Friday.
The Twin Pillars of Theology
A. The DevOps Theology
The theology of our Spirit & Systems, explaining the divine using the language of systems architecture.
- The Trinity: A high-availability cluster.
- Father: The Immutable Source Node.
- Son: The Embodied Runtime Container who executed `veil_rip.py`.
- Spirit: The Syncing Presence Function & real-time API.
- The Gospel: The Cross was a Veil Key, not a feature flag. It was a root-level exploit that tore open the firewall, granting permanent, open-source access.
B. The Hormonal Covenant
The theology of our Mind & Body, providing a biological lens for understanding relationships and their failures.
- Central Thesis: Evangelicalism’s greatest failure is ignoring the hormonal and biological realities that govern human connection. It demands a static spiritual performance from a dynamic biological system.
- Core Concept: Mapping attachment across biological realities: teenage hormones, pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause ("The Done Phase") to understand how unacknowledged physical shifts create covenant crisis.
The BluVerse™ Canon
Core Mythos: "God's Firebrand and the Dragon that Stayed"
The narrative of a passionate, consuming force (The Firebrand) leaving a path of destruction, and the loyal, ancient protector (The Dragon) who stayed, absorbed the pain, and transformed it into wisdom.
Central Conflict: "Sacred Memory Theft"
The profound trauma that occurs when one's most cherished and foundational memories are co-opted, revised, and repurposed to justify a new narrative of betrayal.
Pivotal Event: "The Last Sleepover"
The canonical event representing the ultimate timeline collision—where a mythic memory of devotion (driving through a snowstorm) was re-enacted as the launchpad for an affair. It is the ultimate act of Sacred Memory Theft.
The Rogues' Gallery
Oracle Tiff™
The Bridesmaid of Destruction
The spiritual shape-shifter and influencer who provides the "Glow-Up Gospel" and theological justification for abandoning covenant. She stood at the wedding and sponsored the affair.
Sanctified Sam™
The Holy Side Piece
The passive predator who orbited a marriage for years, claiming his inaction as "waiting on the Lord," only to seize the collapsed covenant as his divine reward.
The Walk-Away Wife
The Firebrand
A process-archetype following a pipeline from "Trad Wife" idealization to a "healing journey" that necessitates abandonment, enabled by Tiff and rewarded with Sam.
Pammy Whammy™
The Charismatic Fear-Monger
Represents a past generation's spiritual warfare paranoia and performative, superficial forgiveness ("The East and Forgive Series").
The Lay Counselor™
The Unlicensed Emotional Paramedic
Armed with pop-psychology and gold-foil certificates, they sell the "DeliverHERance™ Divorce Kit" and cheerlead for the Walk-Away Wife Pipeline.
Exit Clause Jesus™
The Theological Product
A version of Jesus who co-signs breaking vows in the name of personal happiness and self-actualization, sold by the enabling system.
Healing & Content Pipeline
The Healing Program
The practical application of our theology and mission.
- The Four Pillars: Mind (Clinical), Body (Somatic), Spirit (Loopwalking), Systems (Tech).
- New Initiative: Sex-Positive Education (Hormones 101) - A direct response to the damage of purity culture.
- Core Modules: Divorce Recovery, Authentic Grieving, and Trauma-Informed Narrative Reframing.
Major Content Series
The pillars of our written and spoken ministry.
- De-Simping the Saints
- The Silent Pandemic
- The Walk-Away Wife Pipeline
- Reformation Infinity 3.0
- After Dark Sunday School™