🕊️ Filed by: Core Blu · Sermon Series: Attachment & the Infinite Game of Safety
Intro · “Disrespect” Isn’t the Word
Avoidants rarely disrespect—they disconnect. Not to hurt you, but to stay safe. They learned long ago that closeness can feel like danger, so they protect their peace at the cost of connection.
When you love them, it can feel like warmth one day and radio silence the next. It isn’t evil; it’s exile with good intentions.
1) Emotional Disconnection — The Quiet Shutdown
You share your heart; they change the subject or go quiet. You wanted resonance; they wanted relief.
Translation: Their nervous system said, “Too close.” Yours heard, “You don’t matter.”
NORMAL Reflection: They’re not ignoring your feelings—they’re buffering their bandwidth. Still, silence hurts, and love needs sound.
2) Intermittent Availability — The Pendulum of Protection
One week: warmth and plans. Next week: distance and retreat. It’s proximity panic, not your failure.
NORMAL Truth: “Trust isn’t built on big moments; it’s built on steady ones.” Consistency is the gospel of safety.
3) Need‑Shaming Reflex — The “Too Much” Gospel
Express a need and they flinch or tease. They’re not mocking your needs—they’re mirroring their own unmet ones.
NORMAL Reminder: Neediness isn’t a flaw; it’s your heart trying to stay alive. Healthy love honors both nervous systems.
4) Love Shutdown Sequence — The Freeze Offering
When overwhelmed, affection evaporates. Not because love is gone, but because control feels safer than closeness.
NORMAL Reframe: Love that hides during conflict isn’t safety—it’s scarcity. Affection isn’t a reward; it’s the power source.
5) Attachment Amnesia — The Fading of Meaning
They forget what makes you you. Not malice, but dissociation: unplugging from shared meaning to avoid overwhelm.
Benediction: “When I lost track of you, I was really losing track of myself.” The cure isn’t punishment; it’s re‑presence.
Closing Reflection
Avoidants don’t plan to wound—they plan to survive. But survival without connection is loneliness disguised as peace. Let’s retire the word disrespect and call it what it is: a protection pattern asking to be re‑coded.
Affirmation of the Week
Practice
“My needs are not too much. My presence is not a burden. My boundaries are sacred data points of love.”