Â
Project: Normal Like Peter Focus: Trauma-Informed Relational Dynamics & Nervous System Regulation
[!IMPORTANT]
Framing Note: These terms describe mechanisms and patterns, not moral character or medical diagnoses. Understanding these loops is a tool for recognition, clarity, and grounding. Recognition creates choice; choice creates change.
These terms describe how we connect, why we stay, and the chemical “hooks” that can override logic.
Trauma Bond: A connection driven by intensity and relief rather than safety. It is reinforced when emotional relief (reconciliation) repeatedly follows emotional pain (rupture).
Limerence: An obsessive, fantasy-driven infatuation marked by idealization and emotional dependency.
Intermittent Reinforcement: Unpredictable cycles of affection and withdrawal. This “hot-and-cold” pattern creates a powerful biological addiction to the relationship’s “up” periods.
Love Bombing / Early All-In Commitment: Intense affection or rapid emotional investment that accelerates attachment before compatibility or warning signs are visible.
Push–Pull Dynamics (or Cycle): A relational loop where closeness is pursued and then abruptly withdrawn, maintaining high intensity while preventing true stability.
Nervous-System Addiction: Attachment driven by the chemistry of stress-relief (cortisol/adrenaline followed by dopamine/oxytocin) rather than genuine safety.
How information is exchanged—or distorted—during moments of tension.
Apology Loop (Sorry Loop): Repeated apologies that temporarily reduce tension but are not followed by behavioral change.
Emotional Apology: An apology focused on soothing immediate distress or “getting back to good” rather than acknowledging specific harm.
Responsibility Gap: The distance between having insight (understanding what one did) and taking ownership (changing the behavior).
Pseudo Apology (Fauxpology): Statements that sound like accountability but function as defense.
Common phrase: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Blame Shifting: Redirecting responsibility away from one’s own actions to avoid discomfort.
Baiting: Provoking an emotional reaction to activate the other person, often used to shift the focus from the original issue.
Stonewalling / Silent Treatment: Withholding communication to punish, regain control, or avoid accountability.
Triangulation: Involving third parties (friends, social media, exes) to validate one’s position or intensify a partner’s emotional response.
Terms for when internal narratives or “storms” override observable facts.
Gaslighting: Systematically questioning or reframing another person’s experience to cause self-doubt.
Soft-Then-Gaslight: Using warmth or vulnerability immediately after causing harm to subtly invalidate the other person’s perception of that harm.
Cognitive Dissonance: The painful state of holding two conflicting realities (e.g., “They love me” vs. “They are hurting me”).
Fantasy Thinking / Inflation: Treating imagined scenarios, fears, or narratives as factual events requiring real-world accountability.
Reality–Fantasy Collapse: A breakdown in differentiation where internal imagery or “gut feelings” replace observable facts in decision-making.
Imagination-as-Evidence: Using a dream, fear, or “vibe” as proof of a partner’s actual behavior (e.g., the Dream Responsibility Trap).
Future Faking: Making promises about a future state (“Things will be different”) to maintain attachment in the present without any intent or path toward follow-through.
The physiological impact of high-conflict or volatile dynamics.
Hypervigilance: A state of constant “high alert,” monitoring a partner’s tone, mood, or footsteps to anticipate conflict (Walking on Eggshells).
Dissociation: An automatic survival response involving detachment or “checking out.”
Depersonalization: Feeling detached from one’s own body/emotions.
Derealization: Feeling as though the world is unreal or dreamlike.
Blanking Out: Memory gaps or the inability to access words during a “storm.”
Emotional Flooding: Being overwhelmed by emotion to the point where the cognitive “thinking” brain goes offline.
Loss of Self: The gradual erosion of one’s own preferences, boundaries, and identity to maintain a connection or avoid triggering a partner.
Compassion Trap: Staying in a harmful dynamic because you empathize with the other person’s past trauma or suffering.
Boundary Breach: When a stated limit regarding time, energy, or safety is ignored or dismissed.
Specific labels used within the “Normal Like Peter” framework for quick identification.
| Phrase | Meaning |
| “I’m Confused” | Often functions as a conversational deflection to avoid a direct point. |
| Mission First | A reminder to prioritize internal stability and grounding during a “storm.” |
| Type B Storm | A metaphor for a volatile emotional system with rapid shifts and high intensity. |
| Crash Nap | Intense, sudden sleep following emotional exhaustion or overload. |
| Gift with Strings | A gesture of kindness that is later used as leverage or emotional obligation. |
| Loyalty Test | A behavior designed to measure commitment through sacrifice or strain. |
Patterns, Not Personal: The core philosophy. Recognizing the mechanism allows you to detach from the blame.
Addicted to Hope: A loop where you live for “who they could be” or “how it used to be” rather than the reality of the present moment.
The Responsibility Confusion: Assigning accountability for one person’s internal emotions (e.g., “You made me feel…”) to another person.