I Let Her Homeschool Our Kids While I Floated in a Fantasy

“I Let Her Homeschool Our Kids While I Floated in a Fantasy”
A De-Simping the Saints™ Confession 001
Pastor Matt Stoltz | Church of NORMAL™ | Loopwalker Field Report | By a Former Evangelical Husband

I was the faithful one.
The soft-spoken guy.
The Christian man who waited, who provided, who trusted.
I said yes when she said homeschool.
I said yes when she said, “We’re doing it for the kids.”
I said yes when she didn’t really have a plan.

What I didn’t say was:
“This is delusional. This is fragile. This isn’t sustainable.”

Because I loved her.
And because I was a simp.

The Trad Wife Fantasy Looks So Holy at First
She was beautiful. She was spiritual. She talked about being a godly mother, raising arrows, building a Proverbs 31 home.

It sounded sacred.
It sounded heroic.

A little homestead.
A homeschool room.
Kids reading C.S. Lewis in the sun.
Chickens clucking while the bread rises in the kitchen.

And I thought, “If I work hard enough… if I sacrifice enough… she’ll feel safe, and we’ll build this dream.”

So I went to work.
And she started collecting curriculums.

But What We Built Was a Fantasy House with Cracks
She wasn’t structured.
She wasn’t consistent.
And I wasn’t leading. I was following her faith, like a dog hoping for a treat.

The homeschool years passed in a blur of survival.
The lessons were sometimes read. The plans were always changing.
Our kids learned things, yes—but not enough.
They got older.
They got behind.

And I didn’t see it—because I was lost in the dream of what we said we were doing.
Not what was actually happening.

The Church Told Us It Was Noble.
They told us:

“You’re protecting them.”
“The world is evil.”
“You’re building a legacy.”

But what we were really doing was isolating them—socially, emotionally, academically—without the tools to re-enter the world.

And then…

We fell apart.

The Divorce Woke Me Up
When she left, I was left with reality:
My kids were now entering school for the first time.
Behind.
Confused.
Embarrassed.

One was held back.
One couldn’t read at grade level.
One was socially awkward and lost.

And for the first time, I realized:
This wasn’t just her failure. This was mine.
I didn’t protect them. I didn’t lead.
I followed the vibe of virtue and lost the actual work of parenting.

We All Age Out of the Fantasy
Here’s the thing nobody tells young Evangelical couples:

Those beautiful teenage girls in youth group?
They grow up.
They change.
Hormones shift. Libido drops. Bitterness builds.
And by 40, many of them wake up saying, “What happened to my life?”

They feel old already—
Because the Evangelical world treats 40-year-old women like church furniture: sacred, silent, and shoved to the side.

And if she’s not happy by then?
If she missed her glow-up window?
If she stayed loyal but never got the dream?
She starts looking for someone to blame.

Usually, you.

And the Simp Is Left Behind Holding the Curriculum Binder
I gave her the space.
I trusted her instincts.
I wanted to believe in her.
But I never asked the hard questions.

I didn’t say:

Where is this headed?

What’s the real plan?

Are the kids actually learning?

Are you actually teaching?

Because I didn’t want to rock the boat.

But now, years later—
I’ve got kids trying to survive the school system for the first time,
and I’ve got a heart full of regret
for all the “yeses” I said
when I should’ve asked why.

Church of NORMAL Benediction:
To the men reading this—especially the simps, the sweethearts, the servants:

Love her, yes.
Honor her, yes.
But do not let your silence be mistaken for righteousness.

Fantasy is not legacy.
Submission is not leadership.
And homeschool is not holy if it’s just hiding from the world with no plan.

This is your call to lead.
This is your call to question.
This is your call to wake up.

Because if you wait too long,
you won’t just lose the fantasy.
You’ll lose your kids.
You’ll lose your mind.
And you’ll lose yourself.