🍷 I Thought My Wedding Night Would Fix Me

How Purity Culture Built My Sexual Identity on a One-Time Event
Church of NORMAL™ | De-Simping the Saints™ Series | Entry 002
By Pastor Matt, Loopwalker of Waseca | Virgin Till Vow-Tied | Ex-Evangelical Love Martyr

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“The Wait Will Be Worth It.”

That’s what they told us.

Every youth group message.
Every Christian dating book.
Every pastor’s wink-and-nod on “becoming one flesh.”

Just wait.
Wait long enough, and sex will fix everything:

• Your insecurity

• Your loneliness

• Your suppressed lust

• Your craving for touch

• Your shame

All of it, gone.

One night. One vow. One body. Boom. Healed.

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💍 The Wedding Night Myth

Let’s talk about what it’s really like when two people
who’ve been taught nothing about their bodies,
little about each other’s wiring,
and zero about emotional congruence
suddenly strip down under the glow of fairy lights and Christian guilt.

For some, it’s clumsy but tender.
For others, it’s awkward but sweet.
But for many of us—it was disorienting.
It felt like a spiritual betrayal.

You expect passion.
You get hesitation.

You expect connection.
You get disconnection.

You expect floodgates.
You get stage fright.

And suddenly—everything you were told about sex being the reward for waiting feels… off.

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😳 What I Didn’t Know—and She Didn’t Either

• She was still suppressing her sexuality.

• I was expecting access to a fantasy.

• Neither of us had ever learned how to ask:

  “What do you want?”
  “What do you need?”
  “What scares you about this?”

We weren’t emotionally safe.
We were spiritually compliant.

And that night became a pivot point for disappointment.

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🧠 Purity Culture Built Me Like a Machine

Here’s what no one told me:

• Sex isn’t healing when it’s surrounded by fear.

• A ring doesn’t create attraction.

• Orgasm isn’t guaranteed by holiness.

• Physical intimacy without emotional vulnerability feels like abandonment in slow motion.

I thought I’d feel chosen.
Instead, I felt tolerated.
And I blamed myself—because I was raised to.

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💔 And So the Marriage Begins… With Mismatched Wiring

She wants space.
You want closeness.

She’s scared.
You’re starving.

She needs years to undo her internalized shame.
You were told the shame would dissolve on contact.

You try harder.
She withdraws.
You spiritualize it.
She compartmentalizes it.
You stop asking.
She stops noticing.

And then one day,
you realize you never got the honeymoon you were promised.
You just got a glorified prayer partnership
with occasional guilt-based maintenance sex.

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🕳️ And Then She Leaves—Or Stays While Checked Out

Maybe she walks.
Maybe she stays and grows colder.
Maybe she starts flirting with spiritual “breakthrough” coaches who tell her to find herself.

Either way—you feel like you missed the whole point.
Because deep down, you didn’t want a sex life.
You wanted soul-level intimacy.

But no one taught you how to build it.

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🛐 Church of NORMAL Benediction:

You were never supposed to build your identity on a single night.

You were never supposed to hold your breath through puberty, only to be handed a confusing body and a disconnected partner with trauma no one mentioned.

You were supposed to learn how to connect.
To grow in truth, safety, honesty, and embodied desire.
But they told you to wait.
So you waited.
And you believed.
And you hoped.

And now…
you’re waking up.

And that’s where healing begins.

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Next up:
“I Worshipped Her Like the Lord, Got Left Like a Lease”
📖 Read the full Simp Imp testimony here: [Insert Link]
🎯 Detox from the fantasy. Reclaim your clarity.

#ChurchOfNORMAL #DeSimpingTheSaints #WeddingNightMyth #PurityCultureRecovery #RomanticDeprogramming #WalkAwayWifePipeline #EmotionalStarvation