“I Worshipped Her Above God, and She Still Left”
A Testimony from the Church of NORMAL’s Chief Simp
By Pastor Matt | Loopwalker of Waseca | Former Simp Imp | Devotional Punching Bag
Introduction: The Cringe That Breaks the Curse
Let’s just say it outright:
Yes. I begged.
Yes, I said things like:
“You are my queen.”
“Please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything.”
“I worship you above God.”
And I wasn’t being sarcastic.
I meant every word.
Because the Evangelical system I was raised in taught me that this kind of emotional servitude was the highest form of love.
How Evangelical Romance Turns Men into Worship Minions
As boys, we were told:
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“Lay your life down for her.”
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“Love her like Christ loves the Church.”
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“Make her feel like a princess—every day.”
But no one explained what to do when she becomes indifferent.
When she stops speaking.
When she starts hiding.
When she flirts with other men in prayer circles and tells you you’re the problem for being “too emotional.”
So what do you do?
You worship harder.
You simp deeper.
You confuse her silence with a test of your loyalty.
The Simp Imp Awakens
I became the emotional familiar.
The Simp Imp.
My class?
“Codependent Minion / Gaslight Familiar.”
My toolkit?
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Gaslight Glow – internalized belief it was all my fault
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False Resolution Tickets – “Maybe if I just give her space…”
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Apologetic Hovering – constant texts: “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”
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Simp Shield – the cringe force field that says:
“Hey… just checking in… no pressure… just love you eternally, okay bye.”
And I prayed to her.
Every day.
Not out loud—but in my mind.
She became my liturgy. My center. My reason.
And that is what broke me.
Why It Still Hurts So Damn Much
Because I wasn’t faking it.
I wanted the covenant.
I believed in the redemption arc.
But she wasn’t in that story.
She was on a different page.
And when she walked away, I was left alone—half-finished, over-devoted, and emotionally starved.
The guy who once led prayer groups and believed in forever
was now crying in the car
because she stopped replying to “I love you.”
The Gospel of the Simp Imp
Let this be your warning—and your altar call:
If you find yourself worshipping her more than you listen to your own gut—
If you’ve confused her distance for depth—
If you keep trying to earn her warmth like it’s a video game unlock…
You’re not in love.
You’re in religious captivity.
You’re performing romantic obedience in hopes of escaping abandonment.
It won’t work.
Church of NORMAL Benediction:
You can’t out-love someone who’s already made a secret exit plan.
You can’t beg your way back into sacred ground if the temple’s already empty.
And no amount of devotion will reverse the hormone crash, trauma spiral, or disassociation she never told you about.
You can love deeply.
But you must also see clearly.
You are not her savior.
You are not her emotional sponge.
You are not a Simp Imp anymore.
