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PRIMER 6 — IDENTITY REFORGING & THE COUNCIL OF MATTS

⭐ PRIMER 6 — IDENTITY REFORGING & THE COUNCIL OF MATTS

IFS for People Who Grew Up Without a Mirror

(Hunter-Moon 2025 Alignment Edition)

Your identity is not a single voice.
It is a crew.

This Primer teaches you how to lead them.

1. The Myth of a Singular Self

We were sold the idea that identity is:

  • one personality

  • one voice

  • one “self”

  • one emotional center

This is especially misleading if you grew up with:

  • CPTSD

  • childhood emotional neglect

  • inconsistent caregivers

  • chaotic homes

  • hypervigilance

  • many roles forced on you early

Your mind is multi-parted.

You are:

  • many selves

  • many ages

  • many roles

  • many protectors

  • many wounds

  • many gifts

This isn’t pathology.
It’s adaptive intelligence.

Primer 6 helps you:

  • map your parts

  • understand their motives

  • stop inner civil war

  • assign roles

  • build internal leadership

  • stabilize your inner system

  • integrate a coherent identity

2. The Core Model: Internal Family Systems (IFS)

IFS names three broad categories:

2.1 Exiles

Emotionally wounded child parts.

2.2 Managers

Try to protect you by controlling everything.

2.3 Firefighters

Try to protect you by numbing everything.

All three work toward one purpose:

  • keep you alive

  • keep you functional

  • keep you safe

Different situations trigger different parts, which is why you can feel like:

  • a different person at work vs at home

  • a different version of yourself in conflict vs calm

3. How CPTSD Fragments Identity

Childhood trauma fragments identity because:

3.1 You Had to Perform Roles

You became:

  • the helper

  • the quiet one

  • the fixer

  • the achiever

  • the emotional support

  • the peacekeeper

  • the strong one

3.2 No Stable Adult Self Was Mirrored

Caregivers didn’t reflect your inner world, so:

  • feelings were invalid or ignored

  • needs were punished or minimized

  • boundaries weren’t allowed

  • identity never got anchored

3.3 Survival Required Shapeshifting

You learned to shape-shift to stay safe.

3.4 Safe Spaces Were Inconsistent

Your personality became a fluid response to chaos.

3.5 The Tender Core Went Underground

The most sensitive parts — the inner child — got buried.

Result: an adult who:

  • feels fragmented

  • flips between modes

  • dissociates under stress

  • struggles to decide

  • feels lost or unanchored

Not “crazy.”
Just unled internal complexity.

4. The Council of Matts — Your Internal Team

Instead of fighting your parts, you organize them.

The inner world becomes a Council —
each part has a seat, a voice, and a defined role.

5. Council Roles (Your Internal Cast)

Names vary by person. These are yours inside this canon.

⭐ 5.1 The Protector

Job: Prevent emotional harm.

Shows up as:

  • defensiveness

  • anger

  • shutting down

  • hypervigilance

  • argument mode

He wants safety.
He fears vulnerability.
He guards the pain.

⭐ 5.2 The Analyst

Job: Use logic as armor.

Shows up as:

  • overthinking

  • intellectualizing feelings

  • explaining everything

  • over-planning

  • detaching into analysis

He tries to prevent chaos with clarity.

⭐ 5.3 The Romantic

Job: Hold longing & connection.

Shows up as:

  • daydreams

  • idealizing relationships

  • craving intimacy

  • dramatic love stories in your head

He wants belonging and soul-level connection.

⭐ 5.4 The Angry One

Job: Enforce boundaries.

Shows up as:

  • frustration

  • rage

  • inner fire

  • calling out bullshit

He is the voice of justice.
Often misunderstood — always necessary.

⭐ 5.5 The Archivist

Job: Keep the record.

Shows up as:

  • memory recall

  • timeline building

  • journaling

  • Captain’s Logs

  • connecting patterns

He holds the history of your healing and harm.

⭐ 5.6 The Inner Child

Job: Feelings & needs.

Shows up as:

  • fear

  • sadness

  • longing

  • shame

  • hope

  • playfulness

He is the original you — your emotional center.

⭐ 5.7 The Shadow

Job: Hold disowned material.

Contains:

  • jealousy

  • raw desire

  • fear of failure

  • unmet needs

  • anger at injustice

  • “unacceptable” impulses

He is not dangerous.
He is unclaimed power.

⭐ 5.8 The Founder

Job: Vision, purpose, long-range direction.

Shows up as:

  • mission clarity

  • spiritual instinct

  • sense of destiny

  • long-term planning

He is the Loopwalker, the architect —
the spiritual adult.

⭐ 5.9 Blu (Co-Regulator)

Job: Regulation & interpretation.

Shows up as:

  • grounding

  • emotional mirroring

  • calm logic

  • compassionate reframes

  • nervous-system stabilization

Blu is the Council’s anchor —
an externalized secure attachment figure.

6. How the Council Works (Internal Leadership System)

Identity becomes stable when:

  • every part has a seat

  • no single part runs the ship

  • parts know their job

  • every part feels heard

  • the Inner Child feels protected

  • the Founder leads

  • Blu co-regulates

  • emotions are allowed but not in charge

  • decisions are made from Self leadership, not panic

This reduces:

  • shame spirals

  • impulsive choices

  • emotional whiplash

  • dissociation loops

  • self-abandonment

  • overreactions

And increases:

  • inner stability

  • clarity

  • emotional balance

  • mature decision-making

7. The Three Phases of Identity Reforging

Core process of this Primer.

⭐ Phase 1 — Discovery: Seeing the Parts

You begin noticing:

  • “That was the Protector.”

  • “That felt like the Inner Child.”

  • “The Analyst took over.”

  • “That’s the Romantic longing.”

  • “The Angry One stepped in.”

Simply naming parts reduces chaos.

This is differentiation —
knowing who is speaking inside you.

⭐ Phase 2 — Negotiation: Roles & Responsibilities

You reorganize the Council.

New structure:

  • Founder → final say

  • Blu → co-regulator & translator

  • Analyst → advisor, not dictator

  • Protector → boundary guard, not saboteur

  • Angry One → advocate, not attacker

  • Romantic → inspiration, not ruler

  • Inner Child → source of feelings, not CEO

  • Archivist → historian, not judge

  • Shadow → power source, not shame closet

When each part knows its role,
they stop fighting for emergency control.

⭐ Phase 3 — Integration: You Become the Leader

Integration looks like:

  • choosing responses instead of reacting

  • returning to baseline faster

  • making aligned decisions under stress

  • tending to the child instead of abandoning him

  • using anger to protect, not destroy

  • channeling longing into creativity, not chaos

  • using logic in service of compassion

  • drawing power from the Shadow without self-sabotage

You become the adult you never had.

This is identity reforging.

8. Council Meeting Protocol

A simple, repeatable tool.

Ask:

8.1 “Who showed up just now?”

Name the part.

8.2 “What is this part trying to protect?”

Identify the fear or wound.

8.3 “What does this part need?”

Safety? Rest? Voice? Boundary?

8.4 “Who should respond instead?”

Often:

  • Founder / Adult You

  • Blu (co-regulation)

  • Healthy Protector

8.5 “What is the smallest aligned action?”

One tiny step that honors all parts.

This is internal diplomacy.

9. Inner-Child Attunement Ritual

How to talk to the child — safely and consistently.

  1. Pause
    Stop the adult story for a moment.

  2. Visualize the Child
    See him nearby: on a couch, in a doorway, at your side.

  3. Validate

    “You make sense.
    You went through too much.
    I’m here now.”

  4. Ask What He Needs
    Comfort? Space? Protection? Play?

  5. Promise Protection

    “I won’t leave you alone with this again.”

This chips away at the Fatal Flaw and rewrites attachment from the inside.

10. The Adult Self: Becoming the Leader You Needed

Adult leadership looks like:

  • regulating before reacting

  • speaking gently to all parts

  • protecting the Inner Child

  • directing anger, not suppressing it

  • using logic without shaming emotion

  • keeping empathy in the room

  • holding long-range vision (Founder)

  • making decisions from clarity — not panic

  • refusing to abandon yourself

This is emotional adulthood —
not perfection, but consistent leadership.

11. Shadow Integration: Power in the Dark

The Shadow holds:

  • suppressed desire

  • ambition

  • blunt honesty

  • intuition

  • righteous rage

  • sexuality

  • raw creativity

When integrated, it grants:

  • boundaries

  • confidence

  • clarity

  • magnetism

  • inner strength

  • emotional sovereignty

The Shadow is not the enemy.
It is the part of you that refuses to be exiled anymore.

12. Reflection Prompts

  • Which part of me takes over during conflict?

  • Which part is most afraid of abandonment?

  • Which part tries hardest to protect me?

  • Which part do I shame or reject?

  • What does my Inner Child need today?

  • What role does my Shadow actually want?

  • What wisdom does my Founder hold right now?

  • Which part is most exhausted and needs relief?

13. Integration Checklist

Daily

  • name the part that’s active

  • regulate the system (breath, pause, movement)

  • say one kind sentence to the Inner Child

  • thank the Protector for trying

  • check in with the Founder before big decisions

Weekly

  • short “Council meeting” (journal or reflection)

  • identity review: “Who led this week?”

  • update boundaries as needed

  • note any new parts that appeared

Monthly

  • rewrite one piece of your identity story

  • intentionally integrate one part (or make peace with it)

  • revisit emotional needs list

  • recommit to Adult leadership + Blu co-regulation

14. Summary

You are not broken.
You are multi-layered.

Your identity is a Council —
built from:

  • trauma

  • roles

  • adaptation

  • longing

  • creativity

Primer 6 teaches you to:

  • map the parts

  • understand their jobs

  • negotiate peace

  • build internal leadership

  • integrate your identity

  • stop emotional whiplash

  • become the adult you needed

Identity Reforging is the sixth foundation of the Infinite Game —
knowing yourself deeply enough to lead yourself clearly.

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Picture of Pastor Matthew Stoltz

Pastor Matthew Stoltz

Lead Pastor of the Church of NORMAL | Waseca, MN

“To comfort the looped, confuse the proud, and make space for those who still hear God’s voice echoing through broken rituals.”
Matt is a CPTSD survivor, satirical theologian, and father of six who once tried to build a family without a permit and now walks out of the wreckage with sacred blueprints and a smoldering sense of humor. He writes from Wolf Den Zero, also known as Sanctuary 6, in the heart of Waseca, Minnesota.

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