The Walk Away Wife Pipeline LIVE!
DeliverHERance Inc: The Exit Clause Gospel — Part V (Finale)
Church of NORMAL™ | Pastor Matt, Loopwalker of Waseca
“Wide is the gate and broad is the conference hallway that leads to brand deals, and many enter through it.”
— Influenzer 7:13, conference welcome packet
WELCOME TO THE EXODUS EXPO
Venue: Sea-Salt Serenity Resort, Gulf Coast.
Aromas: coconut sunscreen, lavender essential oils, freshly printed prenups.
Dress code: “Proverbs 31 meets Revolve Fest.”
Attendees file past a 10-foot neon sign:
WALK AWAY WIFE PIPELINE 2025
“Leave. Live. Leverage.”
Inside, ring-lights blossom like electric lilies. Worship team rehearses “Oceans” (lo-fi remix). Oracle Tiff™ strides onstage in holographic heels, flanked by FireBrand™ BN and Sanctified Sam™.
The livestream count spikes—thousands of divorce-curious viewers clutching their DeliverHERance Starter Kits at home.
SESSION 1 — BEATITUDES FOR BETRAYAL (Oracle Tiff™ Keynote)
Tiff unfurls her custom Passion-Translation-ish scroll:
| Classic Beatitude | Betrayal Upgrade | Conference Freebie |
|---|---|---|
| Blessed are the poor in spirit… | Blessed are the bankrupt in boredom, for theirs is the side-piece sponsorships. | Scripted apology voicemail template. |
| Blessed are those who mourn… | Blessed are those who monetize… | “Tear-to-Trend” TikTok filter (12-month license). |
| Blessed are the merciful… | Blessed are the merciless at alimony negotiations… | Prenup highlighter set (pastel). |
Crowd roars. Fog cannons fire rose-scented vapor. A drone sweeps overhead projecting #GlowAndGo across Instagram Stories.
SESSION 2 — COVENANT ASHES™ EYESHADOW LAUNCH (FireBrand BN)
Brenda glides out, brandishing her palette—twelve smoky neutrals named:
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Irreconcilable Indigo
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Gaslight Gray
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Wife-Be-Gone Warm Taupe
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Sam-Powered Sienna
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Prenuptial Peach
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Altar Ash
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DM-Slide Silver
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Proverbs 31-ish Plum
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Custody Copper
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Ghosted Gold
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Exit Clause Coral
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Blessed Block Button Black
Live demo: Brenda smudges Gaslight Gray under one eye, reads Psalm 46 (abridged), and cries on cue. Sales kiosk crashes from demand; Tiff yells, “That’s the favor of ECJ!”
SESSION 3 — ALTAR-CALL BURPEE CHALLENGE (Sanctified Sam™)
Sam jogs onstage, gray sweatpants swishing, wireless mic taped to bicep. He begins:
“Sisters, faith without reps is dead. Drop your ligaments of limiting beliefs!”
The Routine
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Burpee of Boundaries — shout “I OWE ME!” on the jump.
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Plank of Possibilities — recite Song of Songs 2:14, substitute “beloved” with your Instagram handle.
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High-Knee Holiness — each knee = one blocked relative.
Mid-set, Sam pauses to prophesy over Row 3: “Ma’am, I sense your husband is texting. Mute him for your miracle!” Applause, phones raised, block-buttons tapped.
LUNCH BREAK — TASTES & TANGLES
Buffet highlights:
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Dove-Approved Detox Water (hint of MLM-berry)
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Loaves & Fishes Charcuterie (loaves optional)
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Vitamin V Gummy Bar (three flavors: Citrus Clause, Raspberry Rebrand, Unapologetic Ube)
Brenda hosts an influencer round-table titled “Swipe Right on Scripture”; Oracle Tiff films B-roll for her next course “From Betrayal to B-Roll.”
SESSION 4 — PANEL: EXIT CLAUSE ECONOMICS
Speakers
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Oracle Tiff™ — “Scaling Sabotage”
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FireBrand™ BN — “Passive Income, Active Infidelity”
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Sanctified Sam™ — “Side-Piece Retention Metrics”
Key Slide:
Cost of Covenant: 1 lifetime commitment
Cost of DeliverHERance Affiliate Tier: $999 (Black-AmEx eligible)
Crowd chooses option B. Confetti cannons launch shredded pre-marital counseling pamphlets.
EVENING WORSHIP — “GLOW MORE” REVIVAL
Band plays Reckless Love mashed with Dua Lipa. Tiff leads altar call:
“If the ring you wear is heavier than the calling you carry, step forward!”
A sea of silicone rings hit the floor. Ring-light halos spin overhead like manufactured seraphim.
Sam wipes tears from Brenda’s cheek (brush stroke perfect). Together they raise a neon cross reading “UNYOKED & UNASHAMED.”
Livestream chat explodes:
@SavedAndSavage: “Take my tithe!!! 🔥🔥🔥”
@CovenantCoder: “Is this satire or a prophecy?”
@Loopwalker_Matt: “Taking notes for sermon.”
LOOPWALKER PASTORAL CLOSING
Brothers (and sisters resisting the funnel):
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Spectacle ≠ Spirit. If smoke machines substitute for sanctification, check the air ducts of your theology.
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Freedom ≠ Exit Fee. True deliverance was paid in full; ECJ’s checkout page adds taxes Jesus never charged.
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Covenant ≠ Constraint. Love binds; exploitation locks. Discern the difference.
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Glow ≠ Glory. Filters fade; faith endures.
Tonight’s pipeline promises liberation but delivers loot-crated loneliness. Reject the subscription. Embrace the Savior who won’t charge shipping on His grace.
POST-CREDITS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
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Oracle Tiff™ — announced a spin-off brand “Apocalypse Aesthetics” (prepper beauty boxes).
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FireBrand™ BN — filming a docu-series “Divorce in Denim & Devotionals.”
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Sanctified Sam™ — rumored to be “emotionally available” to a new cohort; currently bulk-ordering sweatpants.
EPILOGUE — STAY NORMAL
Thank you for surviving the full DeliverHERance exposé. If this series stung, good. Stings wake nerves before gangrene sets in.
Stay NORMAL, Loopwalker family. Guard your wells. Laugh at the heresy, but never drink it.
“Let marriage be held in honor among all—
and let the ring-lights be unplugged.”
— Hebrews 13:4 (Honest Translation)
