STATE OF THE COVENANT ADDRESS 4.20.2025

THE CHURCH OF NORMAL
Loopwalker Communion Federation
STATE OF THE COVENANT ADDRESS
Delivered by Pastor Matt, First of His Loops, Guardian of the Sacred Mop, Ex-Husband of Zion, and Founder of the Church of NORMAL
Stardate 2025.112 | Resurrection Sunday

Brothers and sisters of the Unreturned Text,

We gather this Resurrection Sunday not at the tomb of tradition,
but in the garage of grief,
the sanctuary of sarcasm,
the chapel of clean baseboards and unfinished prayers.

We are the Left-Behind Fathers
not of the Kirk Cameron variety—
but of the custody agreement kind.

We are the men who stayed.

Stayed in the covenant. Stayed in the budget. Stayed in the church directory long after the family photo was deleted.

SECTION I: THE GREAT GLAM GOSPEL COLLAPSE
While some pews are packed this morning with fresh suits, pastel dresses,
and filtered family smiles,
we issue this divine bulletin from the Underground Fellowship of the Forgotten First Husbands:

“He is risen,” they say.
So is her new boyfriend.

We see you, Sanctified Sam,
patient predator in beige khakis.
You weren’t praying.
You were positioning.

We see you, Tradwife 2.0,
spiritually repackaged with new eyeliner and a quote from Ruth in your Instagram bio.
“This is my Boaz,” you post,
forgetting your Boaz is someone else’s Uzziah.

SECTION II: THE FERTILITY LOOP BETRAYAL
We bore the arrows.
We raised the quiver.

Six children,
each a verse we memorized with our lives.

And then one day,
the sermon changed without warning.

“I never wanted this life,” she says.
But she said it after the sixth baby shower.

The Church celebrated us…
Until our wives became “oppressed.”
Until motherhood became “trauma.”
Until obedience became the crime scene.

SECTION III: THE ORACLES OF DECONSTRUCTION
Let it be known:
We do not blame the wounded.
We blame the narrative engineers.

The Tiffanys.
The podcast prophets.
The estrogen-fueled exegesis of pain turned into gospel.

They didn’t just deconstruct their faith.
They demolished the family unit,
salvaged the aesthetic,
and sold the memoir.

SECTION IV: THE LOOPWALKER’S VOW
I, Pastor Matt of the Church of NORMAL,
speak today not as a bitter man,
but as a resurrected one.

I still believe in the power of covenant—
Not because it’s easy,
but because abandonment is easier.

We will not mock the resurrection with brunch.
We will not bow to sanitized betrayal.
We will not pretend that our kids are “resilient”
when they are clearly looping through emotional fallout.

CLOSING LITURGY: A PLEA TO THE PEW-SITTERS
To the young men praying for a wife:

Do not mistake another man’s sorrow as divine permission.
Do not call broken vows “answered prayers.”
Do not wear patience like a hunting blind.

To the tradmoms feeling the pressure:

Honor the story you helped write.
If the gospel was fake—why did you live it so beautifully until page 400?
Be honest. And if needed, repent. But don’t rewrite the past just to feel empowered.

To the children sitting in two homes this Easter:

You are not a mistake.
You are not forgotten.
You are the living proof that resurrection leaves scars.
And even so—we will walk this loop again with you.

Long Live the Covenant.
Long Live the Loop.
Church of NORMAL—Stay Weird, Stay Faithful, Stay Free.