References & Reading List

The books, researchers, and sources that built this framework
Chapter A1 · Appendix · Nervous System Theology · Church of NORMAL

References & Reading List

The frameworks in this book didn’t come from a textbook committee. They came from a man in a basement trying to figure out why his marriage was dying and his church couldn’t explain it.

These are the sources that built the Nervous System Theology framework — the books Matt read at 2 AM, the podcasts that made him pull the car over, the researchers whose work finally gave language to what the body already knew.

This is not an exhaustive academic bibliography. It’s a survival kit.

Perimenopause, Hormonal Neuroscience & the Silent Pandemic

The biology nobody told you about — and the researchers who proved it matters.

  • Mosconi, L. (2020). The XX Brain: The Groundbreaking Science Empowering Women to Maximize Cognitive Health and Prevent Alzheimer’s Disease. Avery.
  • Mosconi, L. (2024). The Menopause Brain. Avery.
  • Prior, J. (2009). The Estrogen Errors: Why Progesterone Is Better for Women’s Health. Praeger.
  • Northrup, C. (2012). The Wisdom of Menopause, Revised Edition. Bantam.
  • Haver, M. C. (2024). The New Menopause. Rodale Books.
  • North American Menopause Society. (2014). The Menopause Practice: A Clinician’s Guide, 5th Edition. NAMS.
  • National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. (2015, updated 2024). NICE Guideline NG23: Menopause — Diagnosis and Management. NICE.

Why it matters here: Chapter B1 (Perimenopause & the Silent Pandemic) is built on the evidence that perimenopause is a neurological event, not just a reproductive one. Mosconi’s brain imaging proved it. Prior corrected the estrogen-only myth. The NICE guidelines established the clinical standard. Haver brought it to millions. This is the biology that’s collapsing marriages while everyone blames the relationship.

Diagnostic Frameworks & Personality Science

The classification systems and the researchers who built them.

  • American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR). APA Publishing.
  • World Health Organization. (2022). International Classification of Diseases, 11th Revision (ICD-11). WHO.
  • Millon, T. (2004). Personality Disorders in Modern Life, 2nd Edition. Wiley.
  • Kernberg, O. (1975). Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism. Jason Aronson.
  • Linehan, M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
  • Malkin, C. (2015). Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists. Harper Perennial.
  • Durvasula, R. (2019). Don’t You Know Who I Am?: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Post Hill Press.

Why it matters here: Chapter B2 (Cluster-B Frameworks) draws from both the DSM-5-TR and ICD-11. The DSM provides categorical diagnostics. The ICD-11’s dimensional model validates the NST approach: patterns and traits matter more than labels. Linehan proved BPD is treatable. Malkin mapped the narcissism spectrum. Kernberg explained splitting. Millon built the modern classification system.

Childhood Emotional Neglect

The invisible wound. Not what happened to you — what didn’t happen.

  • Webb, J. (2012). Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Morgan James Publishing.
  • Leona Westra Counselling. “What Is Emotional Neglect?” — Overview of CEN patterns and adult consequences.
  • PositivePsychology.com. “Childhood Emotional Neglect: 5 Hidden Consequences.” — Research summary on long-term CEN impacts.

Why it matters here: CEN is the silent architecture beneath most of the patterns in this book. You can’t fix what you can’t name, and most people with CEN don’t know they have it because nothing happened — that’s the whole point.

Nice Guy Syndrome & People-Pleasing

The covert contract. “If I’m good enough, you’ll love me.” It never works.

  • Glover, R. (2003). No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life. Running Press.
  • The Dad Edge Podcast. “Stop Being the ‘Nice Guy’ with Dr. Robert Glover.” — Interview on breaking covert contracts.

Why it matters here: The Husband Caretaker pattern (S1) is Nice Guy Syndrome wearing a cross. Religious obligation replaces honest desire, and the marriage dies from performed devotion.

Empathic Ruptures, Anger, and Repair

When the bridge breaks. Rupture isn’t the problem — the inability to repair is.

  • Rodman Whiten, S. (Dr. Psych Mom). “Empathic Ruptures: When You Can’t Forgive Your Partner for Not Being There For You.” — The origin of the empathic rupture framework used throughout this webbook.
  • Rodman Whiten, S. (2016). How to Talk to Your Kids About Your Divorce. — Attachment-informed approach to family rupture and repair.
  • Rodman Whiten, S. (Dr. Psych Mom). Blog archive (67+ posts) — Female anger, resentment cycles, emotional labor, walk-away dynamics, childhood emotional neglect in marriage.
  • Couples Therapy Inc. “My Wife Is Always Angry: The Hidden Science of Female Anger.” — Biology and attachment science behind chronic anger patterns.
  • Johnson, S. & Makinen, J. (2002). “Resolving Attachment Injuries in Couples Using Emotionally Focused Therapy.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. — Peer-reviewed clinical validation of the attachment injury model.
  • Weiner-Davis, M. (2001). The Divorce Remedy. — Coined “walk-away wife syndrome,” identified unrepaired empathic ruptures as the origin of emotional resignation.

Why it matters here: Most church counseling treats anger as sin. This framework treats it as signal. Dr. Rodman Whiten’s empathic rupture concept gave language to what millions of people felt but couldn’t name. The nervous system is trying to tell you something — listen.

CPTSD, Nervous Systems, and Trauma Repair

The core canon. These three books are the load-bearing walls.

  • van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
  • Levine, P. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.
  • Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.
  • Ogden, P. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W. W. Norton.
  • Panksepp, J. (1998). Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions. Oxford University Press.
  • Schore, A. (1994). Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self: The Neurobiology of Emotional Development. Lawrence Erlbaum.

Why it matters here: Everything in this book — every primer, every term, every scenario — rests on the insight that trauma lives in the body, not just the mind. Van der Kolk proved it. Levine showed how to release it. Walker mapped the complex version that most church-raised adults actually have. Ogden built the body-first therapy model. Panksepp proved emotions are hardwired circuits, not cognitive constructions. Schore showed that regulation capacity is transmitted through relationship, not inherited.

Attachment Theory & Polyvagal Science

The operating system. How your nervous system decides who’s safe.

  • Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Volume 1: Attachment. Basic Books.
  • Ainsworth, M. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.
  • Main, M. & Hesse, E. (1990). “Parents’ Unresolved Traumatic Experiences Are Related to Infant Disorganized Attachment Status.” In Attachment in the Preschool Years. University of Chicago Press.
  • Hazan, C. & Shaver, P. (1987). “Romantic Love Conceptualized as an Attachment Process.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524.
  • Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton.
  • Porges, S. W. (2017). The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe. W. W. Norton.
  • Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. W. W. Norton.
  • Dana, D. (2021). Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory. Sounds True.
  • Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.
  • Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
  • Tatkin, S. (2012). Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship. New Harbinger.
  • Siegel, D. (1999). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
  • Siegel, D. (2010). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. Bantam.

Why it matters here: Chapters F2 (Attachment Theory) and F3 (Polyvagal Theory) are built directly on this research. The Anxious-Avoidant Loop (S2) is Bowlby’s framework applied to a marriage running on fumes. Dana’s autonomic ladder is the clinical model behind the Nervous-System Ladder in F3.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) & Inner-Child Work

The parts work. You’re not broken — you’re multiple, and your parts are trying to protect you.

  • Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.
  • Schwartz, R. C. & Sweezy, M. (2019). Internal Family Systems Therapy, 2nd Edition. Guilford Press.
  • Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. Sounds True.
  • Webb, J. (2012). Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Morgan James Publishing.
  • Webb, J. (2017). Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships. Morgan James Publishing.
  • Gibson, L. (2015). Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. New Harbinger Publications.
  • McCurdy, J. (2022). I’m Glad My Mom Died. Simon & Schuster.
  • Jung, C. G. (1959). The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. Princeton University Press.

Why it matters here: Chapter F4 (IFS) merges Schwartz’s parts model with Webb’s CEN framework and Walker’s emotional flashback protocol. The Council of Parts is IFS applied to identity reforging after spiritual deconstruction. Webb named the invisible wound. Gibson explained the parents. McCurdy lived the story.

Clinical Educators & Accessible Voices

The bridge between research and real life. These clinicians made the science human.

  • Morton, K. (2018). Are u ok? A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
  • Kati Morton, LMFT — YouTube channel (1M+ subscribers). Plain-language clinical education on CPTSD, BPD, trauma responses, attachment, and therapy.
  • Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.

Why it matters here: Kati Morton’s work directly influenced the tone of Normal Like Peter — clinical accuracy without clinical distance. Her normalization of trauma responses and her refusal to pathologize people helped shape how we talk about patterns without turning people into diagnoses.

Infidelity, Betrayal Trauma & Trust

What betrayal does to the brain — and the researchers who proved it’s not just hurt feelings.

  • Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Harper.
  • Glass, S. (2003). Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity. Free Press.
  • Gottman, J. (2012). What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal. Simon & Schuster.
  • Spring, J. A. (2012). After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, 2nd Edition. William Morrow.
  • Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Harvard University Press.
  • Ortman, D. (2009). Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Infidelity.

Why it matters here: Chapter S12 (Infidelity & the Nervous System) is built on this research. Perel reframed affairs as complex attachment events, not simple moral failures. Glass proved emotional affairs constitute betrayal and identified discovery as trauma. Gottman mapped the “sliding door” moments that precede affairs. Freyd’s Betrayal Trauma Theory explained why the nervous system suppresses awareness of infidelity to preserve the attachment bond — betrayal blindness is survival, not stupidity. Ortman coined Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD), mapping PTSD criteria to infidelity-specific presentations and validating trauma-protocol treatment for discovery. Together they provide the clinical framework for understanding what betrayal does to the brain and what recovery actually requires.

Divorce, Abandonment, and Covenant Collapse

When the body processes the end of a life it was built around.

  • Anderson, S. (2000). The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. Berkley Books.
  • Perel, E. (2006). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. Harper.
  • Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Harper.
  • Bowlby, J. (1980). Attachment and Loss, Volume 3: Loss — Sadness and Depression. Basic Books.

Why it matters here: Chapter S11 (Divorce & the Nervous System) integrates all of this. Anderson named the abandonment wound as a distinct attachment injury. Perel reframed affairs as windows into unmet needs, not moral verdicts. Bowlby’s final volume mapped exactly what the attachment system does when a primary bond is severed — the protest-despair-detachment sequence that divorce survivors live through.

Trauma, Faith, and Religious Harm

The intersection no one wants to talk about.

  • Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence — From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.
  • Winell, M. (2006). Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion. New Harbinger Publications.

Why it matters here: The Church of NORMAL exists because traditional church frameworks failed. Herman’s staged recovery model (safety → remembrance → reconnection) is the skeleton of the Rebuild section. Winell named Religious Trauma Syndrome. Both gave Matt permission to stop blaming himself.

A Note on Sources

This list will grow. Every primer references specific research, and as the framework expands, so does the bibliography. If you’ve read something that belongs here, Matt wants to know: normallikepeter.com/contact.

The goal was never to be comprehensive. It was to be honest about what actually helped.

“You weren’t given a map. This fixes that.”